Here is literally everything I can think of about coming out:
In general:
Don’t come out around holidays or stressful family events
Be clear with the person you’re coming out to about who else you are out to so they don’t out you to other people accidentally
Specify what changes you want to make now, e.g. new name, new pronouns, etc.
Specify, if it’s appropriate (e.g. when coming out to a parent or close friend), what changes you may want to make in the future, e.g. hormones, surgery, etc. Don’t feel obligated to share this information to anyone but people you are close with.
Remind them that you’re still the same person you’ve always been
Be kind and patient with them if they are sad, confused, shocked, or scared. Don’t engage if they are hostile or refuse to even try to understand or accept you.
Coming out in person:
Plan what you’re going to say ahead of time. It will save you the difficulty of having to figure out how to phrase things when you’re nervous.
Choose a time when the person is not busy and is in a good mood
Try to anticipate questions they might have and plan how you will respond
Writing a letter:
This is a good method if you get very anxious coming out to people in person
Proofread and revise; try to have someone else read it if possible (you can post it (anonymously if necessary) on online support forums if you aren’t out to anyone)
Give it to them and then give them space to read it, but still make sure you are still accessible (personally, I went to a friend’s house, but knew my mother could call or text if she needed to; you can also just stay in your room)
Coming out on social media:
It’s often a good idea to tell close friends and relatives personally before coming out on social media
A brief post explaining the changes that need to be made (e.g. name, pronouns, gendered terms like niece/nephew, etc.) should suffice
You can also just change your name on the account and wait for people to catch on
Really, you can do anything you want. Coming out on social media is pretty flexible.
If you have conservative people who follow/friend you on your account, be prepared for the possibility of rude comments. Feel free to block/unfriend them.
Coming out with a powerpoint:
Seems oddly formal to me, but it works great for some people
Helps you organize your thoughts
You can add silly slide transitions if you want to be a bit less serious about it
If you’re nervous:
Deep breaths
Positive thoughts
Consider how you will respond ahead of time if people react badly, but don’t dwell on it
Tell someone you’re already out to so they can provide moral support
Afterwards:
Communicate frequently. Tell them when they do things that upset or hurt you. Ask them what you can do to make the change easier for them.
As long as they’re trying, be patient. Adjusting to a new name, pronouns, and way of seeing someone takes time. Give gentle reminders when they slip up.
Provide resources. Our resources tag (link) has info that can be helpful for families of trans people. You can also direct them to this blog to ask questions, if you think that would help.
Be prepared for conflict. It can take a while for people to understand.
Rely on your support system
Encourage the person/people you came out to to rely on their support system. Acknowledge that having a loved one come out as trans can be difficult or scary, but discourage them from trying to make you deal with their fears and confusion. If possible, direct them to a local support group for family and friends of trans or LGBTQ people.
Good luck!
Followers (and Kayden/Ami), if you have any other tips, let me know and I’ll add them in.
